“Wonder Woman and Peas”

Yesterday, my 13 year old son and I spent the day with my sister Staci.  My son, Cameron, asked both Staci and I if we ever fought when we were little kids.  I glanced at Staci and we both laughed.  Cameron looked at us both with a curious look on his face and Staci decided she would be the one to give him the answer he sought.  Staci assured Cameron that we fought and she told him the story of “Wonder Woman”.  As I listened to her tell the story, I decided I would share it with you…

Do you remember the television series “Wonder Woman”?  I was 6 years old and my sister, Staci, was 5 when “Wonder Woman” came on TV.  It was our favorite show and we could not wait for the one night a week the show aired!!  The other six days a week, Staci and I played outside with our ‘amazon bracelets’ that deflected bullets and golden lassos that captured the ‘bad guys’.  I could never be captured because I had an invisible jet.  Staci was the queen of deflecting bullets! In our minds, we were better than Lynda Carter on any given day!!

Our parents quickly caught onto this excitement we had over “Wonder Woman’ and they both used this to their advantage.  The story Staci shared with my son Cameron is a prime example of how my parents manipulated us both into ‘obeying’.

It was “Wonder Woman” night and it was also dinner time!  Staci and I sat in the kitchen at our kiddie plastic table eating dinner.  Our parents had this rule that I truly felt was dumb and even now as an adult I think it was retarded.  That rule was that we weren’t allowed to eat at the dining room table with them.  We had to eat in the kitchen on a kiddie plastic table.  Did they think we were dogs?  Did they think we were going to spit up our food at the ages of 5 and 6?  We never complained about not eating dinner with them, we liked having our ‘own’ table.

That night, there was one thing on our plates that we both hated, peas.  We both finished our plates, with the exception of the peas of course, then asked our parents if we could be excused.  One look at our plates from my mother and the answer was no.  She informed us both that we would not watch “Wonder Woman” nor would we get our favorite dessert (banana pudding with vanilla wafers) if we didn’t clean our plates, peas included.  Mom marched out of the kitchen feeling accomplished, I guess…  Staci and I stared at one another wondering how the hell we were going to eat these gross green balls on our plates.

“Peas are gross” Staci said while looking at me with her lip curled in disgust.  “Yes but we CAN’T miss Wonder Woman!” I replied.  “If we had a dog, he could eat them for us.” Staci suggested.

I stared at my biggest enemy laying before me on my beautiful Wonder Woman plastic plate and came up with an idea.  I’d pinch my nose and swallow them whole.  I shared my idea with Staci and she watched me do it, hoping it would work.  After four stomach churning bites, my peas were gone.  I stood up from the plastic table and told Staci to just pinch her nose and eat fast or she was going to miss Wonder Woman and dessert!!  I ran to the living room excited I’d finished my peas and told my parents.  They both smiled and told me to have a seat and Mom would get dessert just before Wonder Woman started.

Moments later, Staci comes out from the kitchen with a smile on her face.  She told Mom and Dad she finished her peas.  Staci plops beside me on the couch as Dad goes to the kitchen to investigate plates.  Mom followed him to serve up banana pudding.

“Shana, you didn’t finish your peas!!” screamed my mother from the kitchen.  I stood up from the couch and marched to the kitchen to see that my mean ass red headed conniving sister had scrapped her peas onto my plate!  Staci stood behind me, silent, while I whined to my parents that I’d eaten my peas and Staci put hers on my plate.  Mom and Dad looked to Staci for the truth, she stood her ground claiming she had eaten her peas.

My parents knew one of us was lying and because they couldn’t determine which was telling the truth, we were both sent to bed with no dessert and NO WONDER WOMAN!!!

Ten years later…  Staci and I sat at the dinner table with our parents eating dinner.  Various serving platters and serving bowls scattered the table filled with southern food.  One serving bowl contained peas.

By this time the old rule of cleaning our plates was no longer enforced.  Every time I glanced at the serving bowl filled with peas I recalled that night 10 years earlier, I couldn’t get it out of my mind.  I took the serving spoon laying in the peas and scooped up a healthy portion and served them on my sister’s plate.  Staci looked at me wondering what I was doing.

“Eat your peas.” I told her.  “I don’t eat peas.” Staci said.  I raised my eyebrow to my sister and she knew I was setting her up.  “Ten years later is a good time to tell the truth about those peas you scrapped on my plate, Don’t you think?” I asked her.  Staci smiled at me while my parents looked at me wondering what I was doing.  “Go ahead, tell them.  It’s not as if you are going to miss Wonder Woman tonight.” I said.

Staci’s face suddenly transformed.  Her face contained the look I’d seen on Wonder Woman’s face years ago as she sat shielded in her invisible jet knowing she was safe from any harm.  “I scrapped my peas on Shana’s plate.” Staci proudly proclaimed.  I looked to my father waiting for a response as my mother bit her lip to hold back the laughter.

“Well…” I said to my father as I stared at him waiting for a resolution to my torture for missing Wonder Woman and dessert ten years earlier.  “What would you like for me to do Shana?” he replied.  I stood up from the table, picked up my plate, looked directly at my father and said “Don’t let her have dessert, skip the sending her to be early just BEAT HER ASS!!!” …

After a brief moment of silence, I walked to the kitchen leaving all three of them stunned and speechless at my outburst.   Seconds later all three bursts into laughter.

It was clear to me that Staci would never receive proper punishment for lying that night and I was more than OK with this.  It wasn’t uncommon for my sister and I to get into physical altercations in our younger years and I had long ago quenched my thirsty “Wonder Woman” revenge via an ass whopping I gave her.  The sheer fact that she finally told the truth that night was good enough for me…